I'm Drowning.....

Lest anyone dare think I have it all together, today is one of those days.  I tried to sit here for a few minutes and think of a cute, sweet post with some darling pictures, but the truth is I'm not feeling it today.  I look around and slowly begin to feel like I can't breathe.  So much to do - and just not enough hands or energy to do it all...... 

Three Years Home

Three years ago today....

Lainie May 2007

I met the child that changed my life forever.


When we finally decided to pursue adoption after many months of trying to avoid, deny, and refuse it, we thought it would just be a little detour from our original plan for our family.  We thought, "Okay Lord, we will do this thing  and then we will get on with life as usual."  WE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG.  We had no idea that we would never be able to live as we had previously.  We had been changed in the deepest depths of our soul.  Our eyes had been opened and our hearts had been broken by the plight of the orphan.   We could not go on with life as usual.  We had been changed.  We could not forget all that we had seen, heard and learned.  We could not stop wondering what else we could do.  How else can we help these precious children who just need families?   So, as we looked into this precious face of our child on May 14, 2007, we knew that there would be no going back.  We weren't just on a little detour.  We are now going down a totally different road than we ever expected to be traveling.   You see, now we know.

It is like the Bible tells us in Proverbs 24:12......

"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act."

What I knew after May 14, 2007 was that orphans need families.  That is God's plan for the orphan. His word says he holds us responsible.

There are many wonderful organizations that we can give our money to that will help provide them with food, clothing and an education and those are all good things, but what they need most is the love of a family.

Now you know.  What will you do?

Just think.  If you find room in your heart for an orphan, you may just have room in your family for a blessing that looks something like this:

Lainie May 2010

Thank you Lord for opening our eyes and our hearts to the plight of your children.  Thank you for blessing us with this little girl who has brought us joy that is unspeakable.  Open the eyes of your people Lord.  Draw them to these children who so desperately need the family that only they can provide.

Three Months Home

We just passed the three month home mark with Mia.  Where do I begin to convey what our lives have been like these past 90 days?  How do I even begin to describe what I've witnessed?  Will it ever be possible to accurately re-tell the story of her first days home?   I don't think so.   It is the story of a child ripped from all she knew and loved.  A story, that had we witnessed it under any other circumstances, would seem cruel.  A little girl who obviously loved and was well-loved in return in a  foster grandmother's home, but because of circumstances beyond her control, could not stay there. How would I ever begin to tell you what is was like to be a main character in this drama?  There is simply no way to do it.  What I can tell you is that we have witnessed a miracle.  Given the plot of this story we would never expect the outcome to be so blessed.   Those first days in China I honestly thought I could not bear the pain that watching this child grieve so intensely brought.  I thought I would die.   I cried like I have never cried before and I begged God to comfort us all.  It was not easy and I will never pretend otherwise.   Those were dark days when I felt so inadequate to comfort this little child who only knew me as a stranger.   We've come so far since those days.  The anger has all but dissipated.  We see joy.  We see peace.  We see courage.  We see God.  Daily.  We see God.  The verse we clung to before we met Mia  and during these 90 days was Hebrews 10:23.  "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."  He has been faithful to us and to Mia.  There were and are still days when I 'swerve'.   Some days it is only slightly and I can easily steer myself back to Him.  Other days it is a full fledged off the road kind of swerve that takes a few days to find my way back onto the road. But regardless of how often I take my eyes of him and become consumed by circumstances, he has never taken his eyes off of us.  I know it.  I have seen it. I will not forget it.


Now that Mia knows more English we are learning more and more of her story.  Apparently the day she came to us was quite traumatic.  She talks about seeing the car with the orphanage director pull up at her grandmother's house and hearing her grandmother cry.  She talks about waving to her out the window of the car and her grandmother covering her face because she was crying.  Because I know Mia, I know that she did not leave her grandmother willingly.  I'm sure she had to be physically pulled away.  It is a heart-wrenching scene to imagine.  We had this conversation just yesterday:

Mia:   "Is Nai Nai still sad mama?"  


Me:  "I don't think Nai Nai is sad anymore Mia.  I think she misses you, but I think she is happy that you have a family now that you can stay with forever."


Mia:  "How do you know she isn't still crying?  Did you talk to her?"


Me:  "No Mia, I did not talk to her.  I just know that because Nai Nai loved you, she is happy if you are happy.  Are you happy here Mia?"


Mia:  "I am happy.  I am going to stay here until I am 21 then I will visit Nai Nai and come back to you mama..... long pause....... Do you think she is still crying Mama?"


Mia worries quite a bit about Nai Nai.  So do I.  I can't imagine loving this girl for 7 years and then losing her even if I knew it was the best thing for her.  People ask me why she couldn't be adopted by the foster grandmother.  I don't know the answer to that.  I just know that it wasn't an option.


I do wish I could talk to her foster grandmother.  I would say something like this:




Thank you for taking care of this little girl and loving her as if she was your own.  Please do not worry about her.  She is very happy now.  She had a hard time in the beginning.  She was very angry that we had taken her from you.  She was very angry to be leaving her country.  She was frightened because she could not communicate.  I want you to know that now she is content.  She has learned so much English that I don't even wonder how to explain anything to her anymore.  I just say it like I would to any other child and she understands.  She speaks fluent English now too.  Everyone who meets her can't believe she's only been here three months.  She's made many friends her age.  This weekend she went to a birthday party for a neighbor and I didn't even stay with her to help her communicate.  She had a great time.  She is very proud of her new family.  When they all came to see her at our church's parent-child dedication Sunday, she beamed when she saw them all sitting in the audience.
She worries about you.  She hopes that you are not still crying because you miss her.  She talks often about another child who lived there too and wishes that she could see her swing set because they would have fun swinging together.  I've told her over and over that it is okay for her to love you and us.  I think she is finally at peace with that.  She plans to visit you when she is 21.  We will do our best to help her remember the love that you shared with her.  Thank you for helping her know how to love.  Thank you for loving her so well.
Here's a picture of Mia at the zoo on a class field trip.  She loves her new school and her teacher.  She is so very smart.
Mia is a blessing to our family and we promise to love her - forever.

The Wedding

The wedding of the oldest Barbee grandchild has been a much anticipated event for my kiddos.  Jeremy has been a huge part of their lives and his new bride Stephanie has become equally adored in their hearts.  The wedding plans were already underway when we received Mia's referral.  They were kind enough to include Mia as a bridesmaid even then we knew nothing of how her transition might be at the time.  I think you can tell by the pictures that she had a blast.

Mia dancing with Jeremy

Lainie and her Daddy

Will doing the YMCA dance.  He was the cutest ring bearer I've ever seen!

The wedding took place in a church at Myrtle Beach so that was a extra bonus.  Mia saw the beach for the first time and loved it.  It was also the first time she's been swimming in a pool and she loved that as well. Of course, she has a long way to go before she loves the beach quite as much as Lainie whom asks about going to the beach from the time we leave in July until we finally arrive back the next summer.  I am confident that she'll live at the beach at some point in her life.  That works for me!!

We had a great weekend.  All of the kids were in the wedding so it was just a little stressful - but so much fun.  I have to say they all clean up pretty nice don't they???

Congratulations Jeremy and Stephanie!  Thank you for including all of our children and making them feel like such a special part of your big day. My prayer is that one day each of them will find a husband/wife like each of you.....

My Little Boy Is Missing....

Has anyone seen this little guy?  Pretty cute isn't he?  He seems to have disappeared when I wasn't looking.  Around the same time he went missing, this big guy showed up.  He's pretty cute too isn't he? 

This big guy is nice enough and we like him just fine, but I sure do miss my little guy.  The big guy is fun to hang out with, and he's very well mannered, but I'd love to have the little one back for just one day.  I'd love to hear his little belly laugh, run my fingers through those curls and hear his sweet little voice.  Here's a warning to all of you moms out there with cute little guys:  Don't blink.  Before you know it you may also find that a big guy is living in their place.  You'll be plenty in love with him too, but you sure are gonna miss the little guy.

Happy 14th birthday to my big guy, Trey, who I love more than I could have ever imagined.......

I Saw God Today.....

Lainie, Lilly, Anna Claire and Mia L.

I saw him in the faces of these four little girls.  It is an amazing story really.  These four girls (along with Sarah Mei whose family had previous plans)  spent their very first days and months together in a tiny room in an orphanage in Chenzhou, China.  Before any of them met their forever families, they were together.  They heard each other's first cries and first giggles. What is amazing is that they now each live here in the Carolinas and even more than that, four of them live within 45 minutes of each other. 

I just love the fingerprints of God in this story.  Who else could have orchestrated such a story?  I sometimes take for granted how incredible it is that in all of the world, these girls from so, so far away wound up still being so close together after being adopted.  The story of how each family found out about the other is also incredible.  Too much to explain here.

So today, we spent the day together in the park.  God who watched these girls as they were infants in a Chinese orphanage watched them today as they ran and played on a sunny day in a park in North Carolina.  It is simply incredible when you think about the odds of it.  I love how God has given these girls this connection.  There are so many things  I don't know and won't be able to explain to Lainie about her infancy, but there is one thing I will be able to tell her for sure.  She was not there alone.  Lilly, Sarah Mei, Anna Claire, and Mia were there with her.  And perhaps that will some day bring her peace.  When the girls reach an age when the questions are hard and the answers are even harder, I hope they find solace in knowing they share the same story together.  God is good like that isn't he??

For more of the story, you can visit Anna Claire's big sister's blog:  http://www.andthentherewereseven.blogspot.com/

Happy Easter!

As we celebrate Easter with our family we are more and more aware of the true picture of Grace.  It is because of THIS day that there will one day be THAT day when we see Him face to face. On that day my two little girls with so many questions will finally see the Father who never leaves, never forsakes, always LOVES. 

After lunch we headed to Mamaw's house for the traditional grandchildren egg hunt. 

All of the tiniest grandchildren in the family and a few extra friends...

The "big" kids to the hiding and all the little ones to the hunting.

Mia loved the egg hunt and had no problem understanding the rules. 

Her language has "exploded" in the past two weeks and she is now talking in sentences.  Amazing!