Mia has been physically home for almost 6 months. Now I can finally say that her heart is home too. Slowly, day by day, her heart has begun to heal and she has let herself love us. The child we saw in China is not at all the same Mia that we know now. Now that we have seen her true personality, it is hard to imagine that her behavior was what we witnessed those first few weeks. It makes me even more aware of the trauma that she endured from leaving all that she knew and loved. I don't share much about what we experienced with her in China. The pain we saw her endure was almost too much to bear. I recently spoke with another adoptive mom and I told her I wish I had journaled more about those first weeks, but at the time I just couldn't bring myself to write it all down. She reminded me it is because it is just to painful to relive as your write it. You can't dwell on it that long. It is just so heavy it will crush you if you try to take it all in. She was so right. I've often thought about Mary, the mother of Jesus and how scripture says ...."Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I suppose that is what I will do with those painful memories. I will ponder them in my heart and look back and know that in those days that seemed so hard, God never left our side. Even then he was beginning to heal Mia's heart and soul. She is a beautiful, precious little soul with a sweet, sweet spirit that is in some ways mature beyond her years. I am so proud of her and truly thankful that I have been allowed to witness this miracle in her little life.
Just last week we had this conversation at bed time:
Mia: Good night Mommy. I love you.
Me: I love you too Mia.
Mia: Mommy, I'm sorry I didn't love you when you came to China.
Me: It is okay Mia. I understand.
Mia: It was because I didn't remember (know) you Mommy. I was so scared.
Me: It is okay Mia. I know you were scared. I loved you even when you didn't remember me. I love you now and I will love you always.
Mia: I will love you too always Mommy.
She just started calling me Mommy two weeks ago. She did that on her own. I was fine with Mama, but the first time she said Mommy it melted my heart. You might have to be me to understand the difference. It is not so much the term, but the endearing way she says it that lets me know this precious girl has let her heart come home.
