Three Months Home

We just passed the three month home mark with Mia.  Where do I begin to convey what our lives have been like these past 90 days?  How do I even begin to describe what I've witnessed?  Will it ever be possible to accurately re-tell the story of her first days home?   I don't think so.   It is the story of a child ripped from all she knew and loved.  A story, that had we witnessed it under any other circumstances, would seem cruel.  A little girl who obviously loved and was well-loved in return in a  foster grandmother's home, but because of circumstances beyond her control, could not stay there. How would I ever begin to tell you what is was like to be a main character in this drama?  There is simply no way to do it.  What I can tell you is that we have witnessed a miracle.  Given the plot of this story we would never expect the outcome to be so blessed.   Those first days in China I honestly thought I could not bear the pain that watching this child grieve so intensely brought.  I thought I would die.   I cried like I have never cried before and I begged God to comfort us all.  It was not easy and I will never pretend otherwise.   Those were dark days when I felt so inadequate to comfort this little child who only knew me as a stranger.   We've come so far since those days.  The anger has all but dissipated.  We see joy.  We see peace.  We see courage.  We see God.  Daily.  We see God.  The verse we clung to before we met Mia  and during these 90 days was Hebrews 10:23.  "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."  He has been faithful to us and to Mia.  There were and are still days when I 'swerve'.   Some days it is only slightly and I can easily steer myself back to Him.  Other days it is a full fledged off the road kind of swerve that takes a few days to find my way back onto the road. But regardless of how often I take my eyes of him and become consumed by circumstances, he has never taken his eyes off of us.  I know it.  I have seen it. I will not forget it.


Now that Mia knows more English we are learning more and more of her story.  Apparently the day she came to us was quite traumatic.  She talks about seeing the car with the orphanage director pull up at her grandmother's house and hearing her grandmother cry.  She talks about waving to her out the window of the car and her grandmother covering her face because she was crying.  Because I know Mia, I know that she did not leave her grandmother willingly.  I'm sure she had to be physically pulled away.  It is a heart-wrenching scene to imagine.  We had this conversation just yesterday:

Mia:   "Is Nai Nai still sad mama?"  


Me:  "I don't think Nai Nai is sad anymore Mia.  I think she misses you, but I think she is happy that you have a family now that you can stay with forever."


Mia:  "How do you know she isn't still crying?  Did you talk to her?"


Me:  "No Mia, I did not talk to her.  I just know that because Nai Nai loved you, she is happy if you are happy.  Are you happy here Mia?"


Mia:  "I am happy.  I am going to stay here until I am 21 then I will visit Nai Nai and come back to you mama..... long pause....... Do you think she is still crying Mama?"


Mia worries quite a bit about Nai Nai.  So do I.  I can't imagine loving this girl for 7 years and then losing her even if I knew it was the best thing for her.  People ask me why she couldn't be adopted by the foster grandmother.  I don't know the answer to that.  I just know that it wasn't an option.


I do wish I could talk to her foster grandmother.  I would say something like this:




Thank you for taking care of this little girl and loving her as if she was your own.  Please do not worry about her.  She is very happy now.  She had a hard time in the beginning.  She was very angry that we had taken her from you.  She was very angry to be leaving her country.  She was frightened because she could not communicate.  I want you to know that now she is content.  She has learned so much English that I don't even wonder how to explain anything to her anymore.  I just say it like I would to any other child and she understands.  She speaks fluent English now too.  Everyone who meets her can't believe she's only been here three months.  She's made many friends her age.  This weekend she went to a birthday party for a neighbor and I didn't even stay with her to help her communicate.  She had a great time.  She is very proud of her new family.  When they all came to see her at our church's parent-child dedication Sunday, she beamed when she saw them all sitting in the audience.
She worries about you.  She hopes that you are not still crying because you miss her.  She talks often about another child who lived there too and wishes that she could see her swing set because they would have fun swinging together.  I've told her over and over that it is okay for her to love you and us.  I think she is finally at peace with that.  She plans to visit you when she is 21.  We will do our best to help her remember the love that you shared with her.  Thank you for helping her know how to love.  Thank you for loving her so well.
Here's a picture of Mia at the zoo on a class field trip.  She loves her new school and her teacher.  She is so very smart.
Mia is a blessing to our family and we promise to love her - forever.