Over the weekend I had grown quite weary of being the only person that Pearl has chosen to develop a very close attachment to....... I had gone to another room to try to just have a little quiet time while she was occupied with her sisters and her daddy. After not nearly long enough, they came searching for me. Seems they couldn't figure out what she was saying she wanted and she had become quite upset. They had tried without success to figure out her babbling and pointing.
As soon as I walked to the kitchen, I knew she wanted a drink. She says, "way" for drink.
It was in that moment that I realized I am the only one.
I am the only one she can count on.
I am the only one she has chosen to trust completely.
I am the only one that makes her feel safe.
I am the only one she has.
Everything else she trusted and loved is gone. And I am all she has now. She chose from day one to trust me totally. She never looked back. It took Mia months to trust anyone, but Pearl chose to cling to me instantly. Needless to say, after realizing all this, I felt over the top guilty for needing to retreat for some "quiet".
I am growing increasingly anxious about her upcoming heart surgery (March 28). How am I, the only one she trusts, going to hand her over for all that awaits her? How will she look at me when she wakes up confused and in pain? I'm hoping that she trust me enough to let me comfort her and help her through it all.
One day, she will know that she has a Heavenly Father she can always trust. He never leaves. He never retreats. He never grows weary.
In the meantime, may God grant me the strength to be all that she needs me to be. I am her only one.
Join our family as we live out our lives to the fullest with God as our guide. It is crazy and it is chaos, but it is more abundant and full than we ever imagined!
4 comments:
Praying for your sweet little one. It's wonderful that she has bonded so quickly with you. I will pray that her little heart won't take long to trust her daddy and other loved ones. God will get you both through the surgery. His hand is on his little Pearl.
Blessings,
Lydia
P.S. We leave Sat.!
Such a blessing to be the only one~ God chose you and you are doing so well! Hang in there... it is such a great privilege to be all God has called us to be to the least of His. Blessings and love!
Praying for your endurance.
I so understand what place you are in right now. What a blessing for Pearl though that she has you!
I love what Sharon said, such a blessing to be the only one. And yet, sometimes so tiring. You brought tears to my eyes with this one, something not easily done. Keep on keeping on. You are amazing. And inspiring.
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