Mia has been physically home for almost 6 months. Now I can finally say that her heart is home too. Slowly, day by day, her heart has begun to heal and she has let herself love us. The child we saw in China is not at all the same Mia that we know now. Now that we have seen her true personality, it is hard to imagine that her behavior was what we witnessed those first few weeks. It makes me even more aware of the trauma that she endured from leaving all that she knew and loved. I don't share much about what we experienced with her in China. The pain we saw her endure was almost too much to bear. I recently spoke with another adoptive mom and I told her I wish I had journaled more about those first weeks, but at the time I just couldn't bring myself to write it all down. She reminded me it is because it is just to painful to relive as your write it. You can't dwell on it that long. It is just so heavy it will crush you if you try to take it all in. She was so right. I've often thought about Mary, the mother of Jesus and how scripture says ...."Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I suppose that is what I will do with those painful memories. I will ponder them in my heart and look back and know that in those days that seemed so hard, God never left our side. Even then he was beginning to heal Mia's heart and soul. She is a beautiful, precious little soul with a sweet, sweet spirit that is in some ways mature beyond her years. I am so proud of her and truly thankful that I have been allowed to witness this miracle in her little life.
Just last week we had this conversation at bed time:
Mia: Good night Mommy. I love you.
Me: I love you too Mia.
Mia: Mommy, I'm sorry I didn't love you when you came to China.
Me: It is okay Mia. I understand.
Mia: It was because I didn't remember (know) you Mommy. I was so scared.
Me: It is okay Mia. I know you were scared. I loved you even when you didn't remember me. I love you now and I will love you always.
Mia: I will love you too always Mommy.
She just started calling me Mommy two weeks ago. She did that on her own. I was fine with Mama, but the first time she said Mommy it melted my heart. You might have to be me to understand the difference. It is not so much the term, but the endearing way she says it that lets me know this precious girl has let her heart come home.
11 comments:
What a wonderful post! As a Mom of an adopted 5, now 6 year old who has been home 6 months, I'm right there with you - it is amazing how they blossom and your love for them grows every day!! So glad it is going well for you and your little girl and your family!!
Wendy in PA - myadoptionwebsite.com - Sabrina's Story
Thank you so much for sharing this and I praise God for the work that the is doing in her life. The conversation you shared could have been a conversation that we all have with our heavenly Father after we recognize his unconditional love for us. What a beautiful picture of the love that the Father has for us. Adoption is like a mirror of the Gospel. Beautiful and amazing.
Jennifer,
I read this post through tears. How precious and sweet. And what a blessing that Mia is now able to vocalize how she felt. She obviously trusts you or she wouldn't have told you the hard parts.
I look forward to meeting this precious little girl!
Praise God for how He heals hearts!
Jen, What a beautiful post. I read it through tears and marveled at the Lord's work in Mia's heart. He knew exactly the forever family Mia needed. You are perfect for her!! What a beautiful picture of adoption. Thanks for sharing your heart.
That's sooooo sweet she calls you Mommy now. Love to all.!!!
Love,
Katie
Wonderful post, Jen. I just posted today about the transformation we have seen in Hudson - similar to Mia's but of course since he is only 2 and from an orphanage, his grieving was much less intense and only has lasted a few weeks - not months like Mia's. Adoption is simply miraculous - whether it is your first or your third - miraculous indeed! Jan
I love hearing how Mia has changed and has opened her heart to her family. What a sweet little conversation you had with her. Those are the things to write down!
Blessings-Jennifer
Your sweet conversation made me SOB...not just tear up! ;) We are waiting for TA now to bring home our 6 year old son. I have imagined over and over how hard it will be for him to leave all that he knows and loves. Thank you for sharing....I needed to hear this today! Praising God with you for Mia's precious heart being home!! Bobbi~ www.thenewsomes.net
*sigh* I totally get the Mommy thing. I am still waiting for Moses to 'get it'. I know it will come, someday. Thanks for being so open. Like Bobbi said, I needed to hear it tonight.
So sweet! You have an absolutely beautiful family! I am so happy for you and your adorable family. God is good all the time...all the time God is good.
Monica Vance (Tammy's friend)
Thanks so much for your note. I get it. J does call me Mommy, actually both of our new Js do.
We are struggling in other ways though. Wow, parenting 5 children is just plain hard! So many different personalities trying to be grafted together as a family. We are getting there more and more every day.
Thanks again!
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